Crying It Out...

It's been rough for the last month at our house. About a month ago the babies got RSV. Some of the scariest shit I have ever been through. Nebs every 3-4 hours, round the clock, constant coughing and wheezing and for sure no one was sleeping. I was terrified.

But that was a month ago and still no one is back to sleeping the way they were prior to catching the plague. So. At the boys last pedi appointment I talked to Dr. Husain (whom I'm in love with) and told her that I have been getting up, on average, 5-6 times per night to tend to the babies that WILL. NOT. SLEEP. She told me I needed to let them cry it out. Oh the dreaded CIO. I knew this was coming but I didn't want to have to do it. I tried that for months with Liam, when he was little, but I had waited too long. The damage, I mean habit, had already been done. He would stand in his crib at night screaming "mama! mama! help me! please help me!" It broke my heart. He would do this, and I shit you not, for 2-3 hours at a crack until I finally broke down. Then I would be so angry at myself because basically I listened to him cry frantically for 2-3 hours for NOTHING! So with the babies I vowed it would be different. I was going to do this CIO thing before they could say my name (it makes me feel less guilty). So Eli is getting to be a champ. He'll cry for 5-10 minutes and then settle down. But then there's Abe. He cried for over 1/2 hour. I know, I know. It's not the 2-3 hours, but it still sucks! He screamed and screamed and screamed and I pictured him being terrified, all alone, in the dark needing me. Then it was quite. I panicked. I really did! I had to sneak in and look at him. There he was...laying there perfectly still. Of course I had to check to see if he was still breathing. He stirred a little, but he was fine. My heart was still broken, but I knew that we could do this.

So Eli woke up this a.m. and he was happy! So happy! And he slept until 6:30 a.m. IN HIS OWN BED! Then I rushed in to find Abe cooing in his bed. It melted my heart because I was sure he would be traumatized, but he wasn't. He was happy too! So here we go. Tonight is night number 3. Hopefully mama will be able to stay strong...keep your fingers crossed and send your prayers to Heaven...

My Family Of Five...

I can't believe how much our lives have changed since Abel and Elias have made their entrance into this world. Our lives are wild, forever changing, and completely full of love...I can't imagine my life being any other way and wish I would have known back then what I know...

Adam. I don't tell you nearly often enough how much I love you, how I love that you are my life partner, and love me for who I am regardless of my endless ranting about EVERYTHING. You're a wonderful man, a beautiful father, and my best friend. I feel your unconditional love when you look at me and know that I can be myself around you completely, go and bad. Yes. We argue, say hurtful things to each other, but always end the night with I love you's. I'm thankful to have met you, had babies with you, and decided to share my life with you.

Liam. You are the most precious little boy ever. You were my first born, my first parenting experience, and my love. You're my tender hearted little boy who's feelings get hurt easily, who goes at things with your whole heart, and your love for me, your dad, and your brothers just radiates. You love being the center of attention (like your father), you are satisfied with just sitting on my lap and staring into my eyes while making silly faces, and you love to make your brothers belly laugh by zipping around the house and yes, this includes showing them your butt from time to time. I see you going far in life. You'll graduate from college one day, probably in something Math related (you didn't get that from me) and you'll have a career that you love and look forward to going to everyday, because I never see you settling for second best. You'll have babies. Oh Liam. Please have lots of babies! Maybe this is just my wishful thinking, but I don't see you moving far away from me because you are my boy...my special best friend...and best buddies till the end. I love you my sweet boy...

Abel. My second born. You are a live wire! You like to smile and blow bubbles and then immediately hid your face in the nearest shoulder, which is usually grandma's because you are a grandma's boy. You have beautiful eyes, perfect ears, and a belly laugh that kills me everytime. You are showing me more and more everyday how independent you want to be and I can tell that you are going to be my handful. I see you being independent, probably moving away from me someday (yes it will break my heart) but I know this part of the world will not help you reach your full potential. You'll graduate from college, find a career, and hopefully still call me on the phone AT LEAST nightly. You too will have babies and wife that will love you. Maybe she'll be able to tame your "wild side?" Let's face it you're going to be a million miles ahead of everyone else...I love you Abel-babel...

Elias. You my last born and my baby. You're me. A carbon copy of your dear old mom. You snuggle, cry at loud noises, and prefer to be carried around as opposed to being left alone to entertain yourself. You have big blue eyes that wrinkle around the corners when you smile, a little button nose that it perfect for giving eskimo kisses, and a headful of hair that I love to snuggle. I see you loving life everyday, taking care of your brothers, and not wanting anyone to be upset. This is going to be a lot for you to handle, but I see that your heart is kind and capable. I know you too will graduate from college, marry the love of your life, and have lots of babies. Boys like you are the boys that get scooped up first. Your wife will think you are a treasure and she will wonder how she ever got so lucky. I love you Eli-a-saurus Rex...

To my family of five. My life is complete. My life is full of love. My life is full of adventure. I never want to imagine my life without any of you in it...growing together and loving each other. We have everything. As my good friend Emily said: My heart is full.

All We Need Is Love...

Well babies...it's been exactly 34 days since I found out there were 2 of you "in there." I won't ever tell you what my first reaction was except picture a lot of tears, feeling frantic, and saving up every penny I found. But now? I've gotten used to the idea and I'm EXCITED for you to get here!

See, I've always loved you both. That was never an issue. I just wasn't prepared to have both of you come into the world minutes apart from one another. Your dad was amazing when he found out about the two of you and told me over and over that we only need to love you and everything else would fall into place. And he was right.

When your big brother, Liam, found out about you two he immediately started planning all the stuff he was going to do with you. I remember him saying: "Momma. They don't need cribs. They can sleep with me and I'll hold them and protect them all night." I asked what he'll do when you guys leak through your diapers and he assured me he would "blame it on Rosie" the cat. I laughed so hard and I think it's then that I gave up on worrying about saving tons of money so you all could go through college and not take out student loans, worrying about how we were going to pay $400/wk in daycare, worrying about the extra diapers, formula and everything else. You two are the greatest gift God could have ever given your dad, Liam and I.

See...I'm preparing to meet you in a mere matter of weeks. I'm almost 26 weeks now and I'm thinking I might be able to hold each of you in about 9 weeks. It seems so crazy to think you'll be here sooner than later. So forgive me for all of my future mistakes. Someone is going to be sitting in a dirty diaper longer than I want them to. Someone is going to be hungry while I feed the other. Someone is going to take the brunt of my crying. But I do love you both. I wouldn't change the way anything has happened EVER! Remember I'm a little crazy. I'm a little dramatic. But I'll always be there for you. And I'll love you like crazy...

A Little Help From A Friend...

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
~Frank Outlaw

The Easter Bunny Doesn't Wash His Hands...

Liam is convinced the Easter Bunny has already come to our house, several times, in the past few months. In fact, he thinks the Easter Bunny has broken into our house, come into his bedroom, stared at him while he slept, and then poked him in the forehead. Honestly. No joking. This is what he told me...several times.

I'm surprised the Easter Bunny hasn't freaked him and out. Because it has certainly freaked me out.

But I think he pushes past his fear and is looking forward to the candy the Easter Bunny represents. So, I use this to my advantage to keep him under control. If he's good the Easter Bunny will hide candy, games, money galore! But if he isn't good, the Easter Bunny will hide his own poop in those plastic eggs. That isn't what concerns Liam. No. It's this: "How does his poop get into those eggs? Does he wash his hands?"

Jeez Liam. I don't think he washes his hands at all...

Face lift...

I'm diggin' how I can change the background of my blog (thanks Emily for inspiring me)...this may increase the amount of blogs that I write because it's just fun to see how cute I can make this sucker!

Life in general is stressing me out...I wonder if they have a skull and cross bones I could add to my blog backgrounds...because honestly, I feel as though I could go ape shit on someone.

Winter Fun...

Yesterday Mom, Dad, Liam, and I took a trip to Barron to see my sister, Jacob, and Anna. We had so much fun! We took off in our vehicles about an hour after getting to her house and went to Jacob and Anna's school and found a beautiful hill to go sledding down. We were the only ones there and the hill was PERFECT! Not too steep...not too fast...but just enough zoom to make everyone happy. The kids were busting out runs left and right and even the adults, including myself, got in on the action. I think the best part of the day, besides just being together, was when Dad decided he needed to get in on the action...He went down the hill, although on all 4's...he still whizzed past the kids with his busted up hand and all! Next time, it's mom turn for some sledding action! She may need some coaching, and perhaps an experienced driver :), but she's gotta go!

I thank God everyday I have a wonderful set of parents, a beautiful sister that has blessed me with a loving neice and nephew, a happy and healthy son, and a husband that would do anything for me. Life can't get any better...