It's been rough for the last month at our house. About a month ago the babies got RSV. Some of the scariest shit I have ever been through. Nebs every 3-4 hours, round the clock, constant coughing and wheezing and for sure no one was sleeping. I was terrified.
But that was a month ago and still no one is back to sleeping the way they were prior to catching the plague. So. At the boys last pedi appointment I talked to Dr. Husain (whom I'm in love with) and told her that I have been getting up, on average, 5-6 times per night to tend to the babies that WILL. NOT. SLEEP. She told me I needed to let them cry it out. Oh the dreaded CIO. I knew this was coming but I didn't want to have to do it. I tried that for months with Liam, when he was little, but I had waited too long. The damage, I mean habit, had already been done. He would stand in his crib at night screaming "mama! mama! help me! please help me!" It broke my heart. He would do this, and I shit you not, for 2-3 hours at a crack until I finally broke down. Then I would be so angry at myself because basically I listened to him cry frantically for 2-3 hours for NOTHING! So with the babies I vowed it would be different. I was going to do this CIO thing before they could say my name (it makes me feel less guilty). So Eli is getting to be a champ. He'll cry for 5-10 minutes and then settle down. But then there's Abe. He cried for over 1/2 hour. I know, I know. It's not the 2-3 hours, but it still sucks! He screamed and screamed and screamed and I pictured him being terrified, all alone, in the dark needing me. Then it was quite. I panicked. I really did! I had to sneak in and look at him. There he was...laying there perfectly still. Of course I had to check to see if he was still breathing. He stirred a little, but he was fine. My heart was still broken, but I knew that we could do this.
So Eli woke up this a.m. and he was happy! So happy! And he slept until 6:30 a.m. IN HIS OWN BED! Then I rushed in to find Abe cooing in his bed. It melted my heart because I was sure he would be traumatized, but he wasn't. He was happy too! So here we go. Tonight is night number 3. Hopefully mama will be able to stay strong...keep your fingers crossed and send your prayers to Heaven...
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
My Family Of Five...
I can't believe how much our lives have changed since Abel and Elias have made their entrance into this world. Our lives are wild, forever changing, and completely full of love...I can't imagine my life being any other way and wish I would have known back then what I know...
Adam. I don't tell you nearly often enough how much I love you, how I love that you are my life partner, and love me for who I am regardless of my endless ranting about EVERYTHING. You're a wonderful man, a beautiful father, and my best friend. I feel your unconditional love when you look at me and know that I can be myself around you completely, go and bad. Yes. We argue, say hurtful things to each other, but always end the night with I love you's. I'm thankful to have met you, had babies with you, and decided to share my life with you.
Liam. You are the most precious little boy ever. You were my first born, my first parenting experience, and my love. You're my tender hearted little boy who's feelings get hurt easily, who goes at things with your whole heart, and your love for me, your dad, and your brothers just radiates. You love being the center of attention (like your father), you are satisfied with just sitting on my lap and staring into my eyes while making silly faces, and you love to make your brothers belly laugh by zipping around the house and yes, this includes showing them your butt from time to time. I see you going far in life. You'll graduate from college one day, probably in something Math related (you didn't get that from me) and you'll have a career that you love and look forward to going to everyday, because I never see you settling for second best. You'll have babies. Oh Liam. Please have lots of babies! Maybe this is just my wishful thinking, but I don't see you moving far away from me because you are my boy...my special best friend...and best buddies till the end. I love you my sweet boy...
Abel. My second born. You are a live wire! You like to smile and blow bubbles and then immediately hid your face in the nearest shoulder, which is usually grandma's because you are a grandma's boy. You have beautiful eyes, perfect ears, and a belly laugh that kills me everytime. You are showing me more and more everyday how independent you want to be and I can tell that you are going to be my handful. I see you being independent, probably moving away from me someday (yes it will break my heart) but I know this part of the world will not help you reach your full potential. You'll graduate from college, find a career, and hopefully still call me on the phone AT LEAST nightly. You too will have babies and wife that will love you. Maybe she'll be able to tame your "wild side?" Let's face it you're going to be a million miles ahead of everyone else...I love you Abel-babel...
Elias. You my last born and my baby. You're me. A carbon copy of your dear old mom. You snuggle, cry at loud noises, and prefer to be carried around as opposed to being left alone to entertain yourself. You have big blue eyes that wrinkle around the corners when you smile, a little button nose that it perfect for giving eskimo kisses, and a headful of hair that I love to snuggle. I see you loving life everyday, taking care of your brothers, and not wanting anyone to be upset. This is going to be a lot for you to handle, but I see that your heart is kind and capable. I know you too will graduate from college, marry the love of your life, and have lots of babies. Boys like you are the boys that get scooped up first. Your wife will think you are a treasure and she will wonder how she ever got so lucky. I love you Eli-a-saurus Rex...
To my family of five. My life is complete. My life is full of love. My life is full of adventure. I never want to imagine my life without any of you in it...growing together and loving each other. We have everything. As my good friend Emily said: My heart is full.
Adam. I don't tell you nearly often enough how much I love you, how I love that you are my life partner, and love me for who I am regardless of my endless ranting about EVERYTHING. You're a wonderful man, a beautiful father, and my best friend. I feel your unconditional love when you look at me and know that I can be myself around you completely, go and bad. Yes. We argue, say hurtful things to each other, but always end the night with I love you's. I'm thankful to have met you, had babies with you, and decided to share my life with you.
Liam. You are the most precious little boy ever. You were my first born, my first parenting experience, and my love. You're my tender hearted little boy who's feelings get hurt easily, who goes at things with your whole heart, and your love for me, your dad, and your brothers just radiates. You love being the center of attention (like your father), you are satisfied with just sitting on my lap and staring into my eyes while making silly faces, and you love to make your brothers belly laugh by zipping around the house and yes, this includes showing them your butt from time to time. I see you going far in life. You'll graduate from college one day, probably in something Math related (you didn't get that from me) and you'll have a career that you love and look forward to going to everyday, because I never see you settling for second best. You'll have babies. Oh Liam. Please have lots of babies! Maybe this is just my wishful thinking, but I don't see you moving far away from me because you are my boy...my special best friend...and best buddies till the end. I love you my sweet boy...
Abel. My second born. You are a live wire! You like to smile and blow bubbles and then immediately hid your face in the nearest shoulder, which is usually grandma's because you are a grandma's boy. You have beautiful eyes, perfect ears, and a belly laugh that kills me everytime. You are showing me more and more everyday how independent you want to be and I can tell that you are going to be my handful. I see you being independent, probably moving away from me someday (yes it will break my heart) but I know this part of the world will not help you reach your full potential. You'll graduate from college, find a career, and hopefully still call me on the phone AT LEAST nightly. You too will have babies and wife that will love you. Maybe she'll be able to tame your "wild side?" Let's face it you're going to be a million miles ahead of everyone else...I love you Abel-babel...
Elias. You my last born and my baby. You're me. A carbon copy of your dear old mom. You snuggle, cry at loud noises, and prefer to be carried around as opposed to being left alone to entertain yourself. You have big blue eyes that wrinkle around the corners when you smile, a little button nose that it perfect for giving eskimo kisses, and a headful of hair that I love to snuggle. I see you loving life everyday, taking care of your brothers, and not wanting anyone to be upset. This is going to be a lot for you to handle, but I see that your heart is kind and capable. I know you too will graduate from college, marry the love of your life, and have lots of babies. Boys like you are the boys that get scooped up first. Your wife will think you are a treasure and she will wonder how she ever got so lucky. I love you Eli-a-saurus Rex...
To my family of five. My life is complete. My life is full of love. My life is full of adventure. I never want to imagine my life without any of you in it...growing together and loving each other. We have everything. As my good friend Emily said: My heart is full.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)